One of Those Crazy Girls
by dorothyfellasleep
Summary: After a heart wrenching break up, Max can't handle the effects, physically or emotionally. A story based on the song [One of Those] Crazy Girls by Paramore. Max has BPD. Most likely a oneshot, depending on the feedback. Rated T for mildly disturbing themes.


I cried and cried, soaking my sister's shirt. Her hand brushed through my hair and I closed my eyes tight, shutting out any light that may find its way through the clouds and into my room.

"He h-hates me," I sobbed. "He hates m-me, but I l-love him." I clutched my blanket closer in hopes of finding some grounded thing to cling to.

"Shh," Ella said. She rocked me back and forth. "I know, I know."

His words still rang in my ears, a dull ache pounding in my heart from the echo.

* * *

_"Hey," he said. "I need to talk to you."_

_"Fang." I loved the sound of his voice, even when it was crackly over the bad connection._

_I looked outside my window, playing with my toes and holding the phone gently to my ear._

_"Max." I heard him sigh over the line. "You know I think you're an amazing girl."_

_I averted my eyes from the rain drops chasing each other on the window._

_"What is it?" I said softly. My heart beat fast, and my fingers started to get restless._

_"It's just hard. It's hard for me to do this, everyday," Fang told me._

_"What do you mean?" I got up from my seat by the window and went over to my bed, away from the empty playground with creaky swings moving back and forth. "I don't understand."_

_"Max, this relationship isn't good for me. And I'm not sure that it's too great for you either."_

_I started breathing heavily. "I don't know what you mean. Of course it is! This is good for us," I said, more to the benefit of hearing it myself._

_"No, Max. It's not," Fang said. His voice was hard, but not harsh._

_"But, why? I've been good to you," I started to cry, and two pairs of footsteps ran past my door screaming at each other and laughing._

_"Yes, you have," Fang said quickly. "But it's come to the point where I'm forcing myself to be with you, and I can't do it anymore."_

_I stood up quickly from my bed and my head spun. I fell to the floor._

_"Don't say that!" I yelled into the phone. "You have to, I can't be without you."_

_My door opened and a shadow loomed into the room, my sister._

_"Tell me you love me!" I shouted frantically._

_"Max, I have to go."_

_A buzzing over the phone alerted me of his absence._

* * *

"I have to tell him," I said. "Ella, I have to tell him." I tried to get up from the bed, but my sister's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Maybe you should let it go, Sissy," Ella said. She shrugged, and looked down. "Maybe it'll be good to take a break from the distraction."

My mind reeled at what she said. "No! He needs to know I love him."

I looked around my room for a coat, finding nothing but wrappers of candy bars and used coffee mugs.

"Maybe it's supposed to be like this. You can pay more attention to the family. We need this," Ella said.

"Where's my coat? I need my raincoat," I checked under the bed that was now vacant as my sister stood by the door.

"Sissy, just..." Ella trailed off as I looked in my closet and found my blue raincoat.

"Found it!" I said, grabbing my matching boots below it.

"Just tell him and leave, okay? Don't make it harder than it has to be." Ella left the room and I shoved the boots onto my feet, shrugging on my raincoat and running from my room. I passed the kitchen on my way out, where my mother sat at the table with a bottle in her hand.

"Where are you going?" My mother yelled.

"I just have to go!"

I shut the front door behind me and ran to the car. I got in and started up the engine, wheeling onto the street and racing to his house. The car slipped into his driveway, and I ended up lopsided on the lawn. My hair soaking wet, I ran up to apartment building and climbed up the stairs, searching for his room.

216, 216, 216.

I banged on his door. No one answered, and I fumbled on my keychain for the key that I copied of his. He didn't know about it.

"I need to tell you-"

As soon as I was in, I stopped myself, because there was no one there. I rushed into his room.

His room smelled like him. Like cinnamon. "He's not even here," I told myself.

I walked to his closet and pulled out a sweatshirt. I shoved my face into the fabric and took it in. I couldn't cry, I was already done with that. I just need to tell him that I love him. "I love you," I whispered.

I stood up and went over to his bed, feeling the soft blankets, and dented pillows. I leaned down to smell them, and my heart beat erratically. I knew that if I just told him that I loved him, everything would get better. He would realize that we're perfect for each other. I had to tell him.

The sound of the rain pounding on the window and the wind whistling outside was getting louder and louder. I grabbed the blanket from off Fang's bed and stood to look outside the window.

It was dark, and cold. The wind whipped the trees around, and the river outside of Fang's apartment complex was white with foam. The grass was green, with gray puddles of rainwater scattered throughout the yard.

I heard a door creak open, and I turned quickly to see Fang standing there. He ran a hand through his wet and messy hair. His eyes caught mine.

"What the-" Fang jumped back. "Geez!"

"Fang!" I screamed. Grinning, I ran to him with open arms. His arms did not wrap back around me. "Fang! I have to tell you something," I pulled back.

"Max, did you break into my house?" He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Well, no." I shrugged and looked down. "I have a key."

Fang groaned and shook his head. "Did you- You made a copy of my key?" Fang sighed. "Give me the key."

I shook my head.

"No, no- I have something to tell you." I shrunk back from his open palm, and grabbed the key from my pocket. Clutching it to my chest, I turned and ran to his closet, locking myself in. "You have to listen to me! I need to tell you something!" I yelled.

Fang's fist banged on the closet door, and I shrunk into his clothing.

"Max." I heard Fang sigh on the other side of the wood. "It's not alright for you to make a copy of my key, and/or break into my house!" Robin yelled.

I whimpered.

"Max, what do you have to say to me?"

"Are you going to listen?"

"Can you just come out, please? We need to talk about this situation."

I was so happy that he wanted to see me. I opened the door and I peeked my head around. His brown eyes were sad, and he took my hand.

"Max, come sit," Fang said, and led me to the bed. I sat beside him.

"Okay."

Fang scratched the back of his neck.

"Max, it's not that I don't love you. I do," Fang said. "I just don't think that you're particularly healthy right now."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Is it because I have coffee breath? I can stop drinking coffee, I'll do it! I will," I reassured him. "I swear, other than that-"

"Max, it's not about coffee breath." Fang chuckled. "It's... Sweetie, you have a rough situation right now, and I understand that. But maybe you should look into getting some help, and call your father or something."

"I don't need help!" I said, angry. I could take care of my family just fine. "I'm doing a good job with my sister and my brothers," I told him.

"I know you are, you're doing the best that you can. But that doesn't mean you have to." Fang squeezed my hand in his. "Max, we're only 19."

"What would my dad do?" I said, pulling back from him.

"The responsibility to your siblings isn't just your responsibility. You're parents have a certain tie to their upbringing. More so than you do."

"But-"

"Max, your state of mind can't take it! You need some help in the family, and whether or not your 14 year old sister helps you, soon she's going to end up just as unstable as you! There's too much stress in the situation you're in."

I shrunk back as Fang started getting louder.

"I'm sorry I yelled," he said.

"What do you mean... my state of mind?" I whispered.

Fang lay his head in his hands, and then picked it back up. "Max, your parents need to help out so that you can get help. I don't mean to be blunt, but you're not like you used to be," Fang said. I blinked a few times, and Fang looked down, a sad frown on his face.

"Well, that's alright," I told him. "It's alright, because I'm still the same me," I smiled at him.

"No, Max. You're not."

"But, I lo-"

"I should take you home." Fang got up off his bed and I frowned. He didn't let me finish. "Don't make it harder than it has to be."

_Don't make it harder than it has to be._ That's what my sister had said.

"I drove my own car," I told him.

"I'll walk back," Fang shrugged. "I wouldn't mind going for a good long walk."

"Okay."

Fang led me out to the car, and opened my door for me. I passed him my keychain and he started up my car.

The drive back to my house was silent, sans the rain pattering on the window. I tried to smile at Fang a few times, but he just stared ahead, so I sat back in my seat, waiting.

"I have to say it," I blurted out as we turned onto my road. "I have to tell you."

"No, Max, I won't listen." Fang glared at me from his seat, but the glare was weak. I couldn't just keep it in forever!

"Max," he sighed.

"I'm sorry. You're a jerk!" I yelled. "No, you're not, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I hung my head in my hands, my anger deflating. Fang pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. I sat in my seat until he opened the door and pulled me out into the rain. I looked down at my feet as he walked me to the front door.

"Get some help, Max," Fang said, smiling resignedly. "Goodbye."

Fang hugged me tight, and I hugged him back.

"Goodbye."

Fang walked away, down the dark street, sloshing in puddles, and I frowned.

"I love you," I whispered.

The front door opened, and there stood my sister, ushering me inside.

"Are you alright?" she asked, hugging me. I tried to think about it, but I wanted so badly for Fang to come back and be hugging me instead. I realized that I needed to call my father, and not Fang. I needed my dad to help me with Mom, and with the younger kids. And then, maybe Fang would see that I was improving.

Was I alright?

"No."


End file.
